Saturday, September 24, 2005

Evil Overlord does Hollywood

I'm thinking of having it bronzed, actually. They have such a fetish about tanning it seems appropriate. Or maybe I should play with them first, like a cat with a mouse, until death is a merciful release (bwahaha!). I'd force them to create movies like these:

- plucky, idealistic pharmaceutical company is hounded and threatened by evil protesters because their cheap, 100% effective vaccine for malaria makes use of chicken eggs and is thus speciesist oppression. (NOTE: all researchers will be either old, socially maladjusted, or have poor fashion sense. Any applicants showing up in high heels and miniskirts under their labcoats will be reassigned as corpse understudies)
- this is just an idea at present, but the title would be "The Day the UN Came". Horror, of course.
- feisty old lady on hijacked plane is prevented from fighting back by PC fellow passengers who want to "engage in a dialogue" with the knife-wielding, Arabic-looking thug that just slit five people's throats because "that would be profiling". She hits everyone, including the hijacker, with her purse until they are very, very sorry.
- fat, balding, middle-aged man having a midlife crisis hits on stunningly attractive young women and gets laughed at hysterically, then punched.
- successive waves of pacifists, progressives, Europeans, and such bien pensants attempt to reason with the janjaweed of Sudan and get them to stop slaughtering innocent civilians, and get slaughtered in turn for their presumption. (Note to Props: try and get a bulk discount on fake blood)

Any other ideas?

Where'd the protesters go?

So I got the word from BlackFive that there would be a localized outbreak of moonbattiness outside Ft. Lewis, just south of Tacoma. I leave work early, slog through a quagmire of traffic, get to the overpass, scribble a quick "Good Job Deuce Four" sign (1/24th Stryker Brigade, of Michael Yon fame, were returning) and what do I find? Lots and lots and lots of patriotic counterprotestors, but not a sign of a moonbat anywhere. I wasn't the only one who was disappointed. A gentleman who had seen the flags and people and turned around on his way home to join us also had been looking forward to it. Rumor swirled that there had been about 30 scraggly protesters earlier, but they left before I got there. I remain skeptical, and demand proof.

Of course they will probably show up today, when I can't go. They are worse than Bigfoot. Never around when you are looking for them.

And why did I take the time and effort to do this? Because a soldier asked me to. (HT Citizen Smash). It's all part of the ChickenHawk Code.

Monday, September 19, 2005


The day you have all been waiting for -- or you should have been. Now remember! Pillage, THEN burn!

Sunday, September 18, 2005

Firebase Rockford Inspection Report

Inspected by: BCR
Date of Inspection: 9/18/2005

Executive Summary: Firebase Rockford is 100% Robot Ready. Amenities included scrumptious food, friendly cats (interior and exterior), local Subject Matter Experts (TINS-rated) available on call, and a comfy couch.

Recommendations: Received reports of inadequate chocolate deliveries. Initiating proactive defensive chocolate shipments.

Attachments: Firebase Rockford, Kodiak Momma 6 and references contained therein.

Wow. That was about as much fun as you can have without getting arrested. And yes, I have the target from the .45 pistol shootin' match. Sgt. B took the left-hand side, and your humble Snarkatron the right-hand side. I started pretty well (top right) but descended to idiocy. I have no idea why I decided to draw a pyramid below the target, except for one dead center. Localized gravitational variance?

Sunday, September 11, 2005

A day like any other

Got up. Fed the cats. Put up the flag.

It used to be an ordinary day, September 11. That day in 2001 started beautifully. Crystal-clear sky, the last ragged end of summer. Flowers still blooming in the back-yard garden, when my sister came to pound on my door to tell me a plane had struck the World Trade Center. At first I remembered the bomber that got stuck in the Empire State Building all those years ago and thought it was a tragic accident. Then we heard about the second plane, and we knew. Not an accident. Intentional.

I went to work anyway. Then we heard about the other planes, and the company let it be known you could leave if you wanted to.

As I went home, I saw the first one. A flag. Somebody had put up a "Spirit of '76" early American flag. It made me feel better. I found an ancient 48-star flag, a little one -- the kind they give you to wave in a parade -- in my garage. I put it on my mailbox.

A little girl across the street saw my flag, and asked her mother. Why? A few days later their yard is festooned with little flags. Every holiday after that I saw that little girl be the first one to put the flag up on her house.

Remember how hard it was to buy a flag that year? Manufacturers ran out. Talking heads on TV were puzzled. Europeans to this day think the government told us to do it, because otherwise why would we? (And yet we are the ones who make no effort to understand other cultures ...)

I knew someone who died in the World Trade Center. A pleasant, ordinary joe who told bad jokes and loved his family. The kind of guy who liked everyone; the kind you could drink a beer with. Never oppressed anybody. Dead.

Let me explain this to the willfully obtuse and history-challenged. It takes a lot to get Americans angry. And when we get angry, we stay that way until the source of the problem has been permanently and violently dealt with. When we instinctively raise up a patriotism some had forgotten we had, that is a big clue you've made us very, very angry. Yes, there's a lot of discussion and argument. That's our way too. We hang up all our dirty laundry out in the open air, because we DON'T supress dissent. Just so you know -- we are still angry. And as I told the Frenchman who had the nerve to tell me the US should not "destabilize the world", even as the rubble still smoked ..... "we will do what needs to be done". Remember what we have done before. And if you won't help, get out of the way.

Wednesday, September 07, 2005

A target-rich environment

It's an embarassment of riches, really. Paralyzed by indecision, because there are so many good, snark-worthy items to rip the throat out of -- and I want to do a good job, to satisfy my DEMANDING READERS. Can I help it if I was off trying to ease the way for my (hopefully) emerging career as a writer this weekend, bravely holding forth at a convention on a dizzying array of subjects? [N.B. When in doubt, tell jokes. Audiences like jokes.]

In an interesting example of parallel evolution, the convention I attended (no, I will not name it because that would give you entirely too much information) was plagued, like Louisiana in general, by disorganization. Panels, panelists, timeslots, rooms -- all could morph or disappear without any notice. I am happy to report that there was no flooding and as far as I know nobody died, but the planning was described by a participant as reminiscent of tossed salad.

So too, Louisiana. Now we find out that they *did* have an evacuation plan, that might even have worked, but when the storm actually started their way they ... didn't use it. New Orleans officials were OFFERED food and supplies for the Dome of Last Resort, but they refused. They thought it would encourage people to go there. (Deep sigh, and hemorraging from the ears.) Wouldn't that be a good thing? Why on earth would you not want your people to be a) safe and b) fed? I don't blame a 90 year-old grandmother in a wheelchair for not evacuating, I suspect she would have if she could. But once you get her there, she will need water, and food, and probably some basic medical care. If you are going to neglect her to death maybe she'd prefer to die in her own home.

And that's just scratching the surface. I have some opinions on the subject of cops looting their own city, of intellectual midgets threatening to punish the young man who commandeered an abandoned bus and rescued everybody he could find, of a six-year old boy showing more discipline and concern for others than many adults. I especially want to spend some quality time with the flensing knives on the Mainstream Media, who can only see New Orleans (and maybe a five-mile radius surrounding). They mouth sonorous platitudes that all boil down to "We blame Bush", and act completely unaware that the hurricane was big enough to power-grind THREE states -- but only one is falling on its face. Gee. I guess being elected *doesn't* give you god-like powers. They don't give you the Book of Answers after the swearing-in. Nobody told Blanco she'd have to think. Or think quickly. (And may I just add -- thanks a bunch, honey, for setting back the women's rights movement ten years all by yer lonesome. Grow up, you pathetic spineless wonder. Or at least do the decent thing and resign.) And when are the moonbats going to figure out that you can't demand President Bush just brush aside the Constitution, posse comitatus, and the entire federal structure? That is, not with a straight face. Not after accusing him of being an imperialistic warmonger.

Europe? Yes you, the one with the sanctimonious sneer on your face. You have some homework. Get a map. Get a sheet of paper. Using the *safe* scissors, cut out an outline of the state of Louisiana. Now place that outline on the part of the map labeled "Europe". Does that give you a better idea of the scope of the problem? Now imagine there are no roads intact for heavy trucks, and no fuel if there *were* roads. Now imagine that because we *aren't* bloodthirsty heartless killers, we let criminals out of jails rather than leave them to drown. Yeah, its a mess. Thanks for letting us know.

(Still working on that Offend Everyone merit badge ...) I'm all for feeding the desperately hungry. I can even see helping people who have lost EVERYTHING but their lives start out again. But if you want to rebuild in exactly the same place in exactly the same way in New Orleans, I'm not donating a red cent for that.

Update: Go thou and read the written stilleto that is Sgt. Mom in action. She has such style with her cluebat! (And the crowd awards her two ears and the tail ...)
Other Update: fixed gratuitous mispelling of LA gov. name. Eh, right word, wrong language ...