Tuesday, April 22, 2008

From the Real World: Scary Tales for Politicians

Your humble Snarkatron was quite amused to learn, via the learned and ponderously fact-checked media, that it is simply not the done thing to ask candidates for political office *any* questions that do not pertain to their positions on Important Issues (defined, I believe, as those topics for which the networks have already created clever graphics.) So, asking Madame Clinton about her rather unverified account of dodging sniper fire is rude. Asking Senator Obama(jr.) about the terrorists (former, domestic) he has in his Rolodex? Rude. Asking why his clinging to Rev. Wright isn't a sign of economic desperation and feeble-mindedness, unlike the gun-toting bible-thumping rubes of Pennsylvania? VERY rude.

So, why do we keep doing it when Our Betters(tm) tell us not to? Because politicians lie. A lot. Sometimes the best ones merely don't tell the truth. Unless they are running for the position of Evil Overlord for Life, candidates cannot truthfully promise much of anything because execution of said promises in this democracy requires the active collaboration of a lot of other people, some who do not think the same way. Most ordinary folk simple accept political promises as a wish list of what the candidate would like to do--much like listening to a promising five-year-old's pronouncement that they want to be a fireman when they grow up.

Instead, we gaze with laser-like intensity on what the candidates have already done. I've never been shot at myself, but I gather from those who have that the experience makes a decided impression on the memory. People capable of inventing I-was-shot-at stories can invent other stories. Like I-won't-take-your-guns stories. Or tax-increases-what-tax-increases stories. People who don't understand why a few social engagements with a known, unrepentant, blood-on-his-hands terrorist should raise eyebrows are quite capable of signing treaties with heads of state that are real, blood-on-their-hands terrorists.

Those of us who live in the universe where you get in a LOT of trouble if you don't balance your checkbook care about these things. Sorry, politicians. Yes we were listening, yes we remember, yes it will be on the final. Forever. Bwahahahahaa!

Guns: yes
Job: yes
Religion: none
Bitterness Level: 0.00000001 Michele Obamas

Saturday, April 19, 2008

Further Signs of the Apocalypse

Look, this is getting embarrassing. It's the middle of bleeping April, guys. Ixnay on the owsnay. Do you know how silly a hammock looks covered in snow?

Now, what were those things we weren't supposed to do for fear of Global Warming? I think I'd better start working my way down the list. Before it's too late ...

Sunday, April 06, 2008

Sunday Funnies

  • Four more pages of Lackadaisy and the adventures of rum-running Jazz era cats. Or, true chivalry is paying for the doctor when your lady-friend's "muscle" gets a lung full of buckshot.
  • Girl Genius presents management techniques of the Mad Scientist. Or, the minute but significant difference between certain death right now and certain death which is more of a surprise, timing- and source-wise.
  • Dresden Codak with cool robots and badly-behaved time travelers.
  • The kitties of Two Lumps need tech support.