Seattle Pests: Students with Clipboards
Seattle is a pretty nice city, as big cities go. There is always some grit in the spinach, however, and one of the most annoying downtown parasites are these earnest young people Saving Teh World by accosting innocent pedestrians, yammering their memorized spiel about Oxygen Dihydride/Sea Kittens/Tibet/the Flat Tax. Of course they don't come out and say this up front. Oh no, they have to pretend like they just want to chat because you are a wonderful person.
Actual encounter between Earnest Young Person and Snarkatron:
EYP: "Hi! How are you doing today?" (the clipboard starts to come out)
Snarkatron: "I was doing fine until you started bothering me."
EYP: "Have a nice day!" (said as Snarkatron escapes...)
I swear, they are all on Quaaludes. There is an unwritten code that even the mumbling psychotic street people understand. If a person refuses to make eye contact, they don't want to talk to you. It's not difficult, really! You hardly ever see older people (this means over 30) doing the clipboard petition thing. I suspect the little punkins eventually figure out that they've been collecting signatures for petitions to support freedom in Tibet for a long, long time, and guess what? Nothing has happened.
Plus, why are they doing their petition drives here? Besides the fact that it is much more comfortable to Raise Consciousness (tm) in the United States, that is. I would be much more impressed with their efforts if they would try and improve the places which aren't so nice to live in. How about an End Violence Now drive in Somalia? I bet the starving populace would be all for it even if the warlords objected. They could go to Saudi Arabia and petition for religious freedom, and go to Iran to petition for gay rights, and go to China to petition for the right of Falun Gong to peaceably assemble (plus deliver all those petitions to Free Tibet). That might actually be useful. There is, regretfully, a non-trivial chance they would get shot or thrown in jail, but at least they wouldn't be bothering me.
Actual encounter between Earnest Young Person and Snarkatron:
EYP: "Hi! How are you doing today?" (the clipboard starts to come out)
Snarkatron: "I was doing fine until you started bothering me."
EYP: "Have a nice day!" (said as Snarkatron escapes...)
I swear, they are all on Quaaludes. There is an unwritten code that even the mumbling psychotic street people understand. If a person refuses to make eye contact, they don't want to talk to you. It's not difficult, really! You hardly ever see older people (this means over 30) doing the clipboard petition thing. I suspect the little punkins eventually figure out that they've been collecting signatures for petitions to support freedom in Tibet for a long, long time, and guess what? Nothing has happened.
Plus, why are they doing their petition drives here? Besides the fact that it is much more comfortable to Raise Consciousness (tm) in the United States, that is. I would be much more impressed with their efforts if they would try and improve the places which aren't so nice to live in. How about an End Violence Now drive in Somalia? I bet the starving populace would be all for it even if the warlords objected. They could go to Saudi Arabia and petition for religious freedom, and go to Iran to petition for gay rights, and go to China to petition for the right of Falun Gong to peaceably assemble (plus deliver all those petitions to Free Tibet). That might actually be useful. There is, regretfully, a non-trivial chance they would get shot or thrown in jail, but at least they wouldn't be bothering me.
posted by Snarkatron at 8:12 PM
2 Comments:
The next time someone approaches you armed with clipboard and dewy-eyed enthusiasm, merely snarl, "Nancy Pelosi's just been kicked out of rehab and you're nattering about [insert cause-du-jour]? Where are your *priorities*?"
Then demand the petitioner start a petition demanding that Nancy Pelosi be admitted to rehab.
There is, regretfully, a non-trivial chance they would get shot or thrown in jail...
You say that like it's an undesirable outcome.
Post a Comment
<< Home