Saturday, February 16, 2008

A Day in the Life of an Evil Conservative

Me, that is. I thought that as a public service to moonbats everywhere I would illustrate our (conservatives) complete moral turpitude and provide fodder for protest signs, outraged comments, and any other situation where anecdotal evidence of eeeeeevil would be of use.

6am: Fed enslaved animals (they don't believe in the concept of weekends. Damn cats.)
6:30am:Depleted precious water supplies (Took a shower. It's better for everyone, really.)
7-8:30am:Created bulk landfill deposit (cleaned house)
9am: Encouraged non-sustainable commerce, use of pesticides, and further animal enslavement (went grocery shopping)
10:30am: Subjected enslaved animals to emotional trauma and torture (yearly vet visit, and the only blood was mine. Damn cats.)
11-12:30pm: General Gaia-rape and ecological terrorism (planted two pear trees and other yardwork)
12:30pm: Warmongered (sent care package to adopt-a-soldier)
1pm: Increased carbon footprint (had lunch, heated)
1:30-2:30pm Further crass commercialism and squandering of precious resources that pollute the planet (bought a plastic lawn chair)
3-4pm: Generated greenhouse gases, excess heat, and encouraged violence (Watched "Hellboy" whilst exercising)
4:30pm: Further animal-related atrocities (had chicken for dinner. Cats had tuna, their natural prey. Damn cats.)

As you can see I'm behind on my minority-oppressing. I'm hoping Dark Lord Rove will hold off on the punishment until the weekend is over. I've never been very good at that, or the whole suppression of dissent thing. I *like* arguments.

Well, now you see what it's like. Come to the Dark Side! We have cookies!


Anonymous John of Argghhh! said...

Ummmm, Hellboy!

9:57 AM, February 21, 2008  
Blogger Homefront Six said...

I like cookies.

10:27 PM, February 21, 2008  

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