Friday, April 28, 2006


In the grand tradition of taking an intended insult and turning it into a badge of pride (e.g. "Yankee Doodle", "geek", and even the pink triangle), we now have ...

Now this is something I can enlist in. There aren't many combat posts for someone with flat feet, a bad knee, and an argumentative personality that would be sand in the gears of a hierarchical command structure. Moreover, it makes me suspicious that the only people eager to complain about my failure to join up also seem to think the war in Iraq, the Armed Forces in general, and American Armed Forces in particular are Bad. (so, they want me to help them fail? Not clear on this.) More importantly, the real live soldiers what actually are out there getting shot at don't agree -- they aren't asking folks to enlist, but to, you know, support them and their mission. I can do that!

Courtesy of Captain's Quarters, one of the instigators of this grassroots-snark-rebellion, here are some fun facts about Chickenhawks.
- The largest of its family: Yes, well, I'm working on that.
- Vigorously defends its territory, even more agressively when conditions are harsh: Absolutely. I mean, I'm a conservative living in the Seattle-metro area. Those conditions are pretty harsh! Unfortunately for the moonbats, all their shrieking did was drive me to join Protest Warriors. And I'm not usually, see above, a joiner.
- Adapts to all climates: With some complaining, yes. I just don't see the point of solid water; never have.
- Feeds on chicken: (see first item) LOTS of chicken.

I know the real point of the Chickenhawk slur is to accuse people like me, who support the war but are not in the military, with cowardice. Not just the physical cowardice of avoiding pain and death, but the moral cowardice of sending others to a danger I would not, allegedly, face myself. I know for myself what my courage is. I doubt I could ever prove to those accusers that they are wrong. I've faced pain and imminent, life-threatening situations; I've stood alone and voiced my opinion against a crowd and held it. They cannot tell me who I am.

"Yes, Fezzik?"
"I hope we win."

UPDATE: for those wishing to lead the exciting life of danger that is the everyday experience of the Fighting KeeBees, the signup procedure appears to simply be appending a comment to the centered post linked above, at Captain's Quarters. No word yet on the pension plan or PX priviledges.


Anonymous keemo said...

Welcome aboard! I'm especially happy to see a "Conservative" living in Seattle. I was in Seattle last Sunday; didn't see one "support the troops" bumper sticker; didn't see one American flag flying from a home during a time of war. Looks like you might have the personality needed for a Seattle Conservative movement.

Rock on..............

5:04 PM, April 28, 2006  
Blogger Sgt. B. said...

Unfortunately, the only projectile weapon that can throw ingratiations across the state is IN YOUR LAB!

You'll have to bring it over sometime, and lemme borrow it for a while...

6:20 PM, April 28, 2006  
Blogger Kerri said...

You had me going there for a minute. "Someone with flat feet, a bad knee, and an argumentative personality" and I thought you were talking about ME. When you added vigorously defends its territory and feeds on chicken, I knew we had been separated at birth.

My daughter is serving as a medic in Afghanistan. During her time in Basic, I had a beef with the Army. I contacted her CSM, much to my daughter's chagrin. (If you have a problem, why not go to the top). The CSM told me if more soldiers had a family like my daughter's, the military would be more successful. I am doing the best I can.

Where do I sign up?

5:17 PM, April 29, 2006  
Blogger duxx said...

Since this outfit will need an air wing, Duxx waddles into the formation. I will be glad to serve the stated mission and will willingly put my cyber-life into the hands of my comrades (although I am a little worried about sgt. b.'s love of bagpipes). I had a distinguished career in the U. S. Army 71-74 as a REMF. Thus I have no Purple Hearts treated by tweezers and a band aid.

pvt. (breveted for sarcasm) assistant recon, Snark Patrol

10:27 PM, April 29, 2006  
Blogger John of Argghhh! said...

My only objection is... yer all carrying this aviation carp too far.

We need earth-grubbing grunts!

10:51 AM, April 30, 2006  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Evidently you don't know the other definition of chickenhawk. A chickenhawk is also someone who hangs around bus and train stations looking for kids who've run away to the big city, so they can hook them into prostituting for them. In other words, a pimp; or in your case a "war pimp" who doesn't mind talking up a bullshit war on their website in the hopes of "hooking" someone into enlisting in your stead.

You guys are idiots if you didn't know this, and we are going to make you regret this little tactic, war pimp. So go ahead and wear your urine-stained t-shirts, so we can point at you and laugh!

2:36 PM, May 01, 2006  

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