Thursday, January 05, 2006

A Message to you, NYT

The God of Straightlines has provided yet again. In yesterday's pile of junk mail was a missive from none other than the New York Times, promising me a subscription at a reduced rate! Admirably concealing my transports of joy, I composed the following on the back of the offer letter and sent it back in the postage paid envelope.

Dear New York Times;
It is the customary mode when an offer is made for thanks to be expressed, regardless of the sentiments that might be felt. But I cannot -- I have no interest in a reduced rate, or even a subscription for free. Forgive me if my blunt speaking wounds your sensibilities, but I am at a loss to understand why you sent this to me in the first place. (Actually I am aware that your circulation numbers have been in a downward spiral for some time, but the Seattle area already has several publications that serve the heavily-biased-liberal market should Hell freeze over and I wish to avail myself of them.)

Your fact-checking is excrable. Your own ombudsman can't even get his questions answered, so what hope do ordinary mortals have? You make particularly laughably errors every time you attempt to report on the military, the kind that a simple phonecall or even Google could answer for you. On your masthead is the stirring motto; "All the News that is Fit to Print", but you have a, shall we say, elastic definition of "Fit". Otherwise you would be equally excised over all alleged leaks of classified information (e.g Valerie Plame vs. the recent NSA phone intercept program). In the last presidential election you were quick to print a story alleging that the Swift Boat Veterans claims concerning Kerry had been "debunked" but you never allowed your readers to learn from you exactly what those allegations were.

I do like your new TimesSelect program, though. By putting all that dubious content behind a paywall innocent children surfing the Web will be sheltered from inadvertently reading it.

Sincerely,
Snarkatron

6 Comments:

Blogger FbL said...

Bravo! *snicker, snicker*

1:37 PM, January 05, 2006  
Blogger Barb said...

*snicker, chortle*

Oh, Yes --- absolutely lovely :-)

6:16 PM, January 05, 2006  
Blogger John of Argghhh! said...

I believe, when describing the hole left in Mordred by the lance, the short answer was, "huge, gaping, the ground visible through it."

Alas, Mordred *knew* he was slain. The Zombie that is the NYT has not yet assimilated the message.

As Nearly Headless Nick observed in "Order of the Phoenix" about whether or not Sirius remained as a ghost, NHN roughly replied "I was afraid of death, of going on."

So too, the NYT. The Grey Lady is a pale shadow of her former self, flitting about the Great Hall, able to be seen and heard, but not taken seriously, except by the other Undead.

5:41 PM, January 07, 2006  
Anonymous BillT said...

You're slipping.

You missed the chance to suggest the editors change the masthead to read

"All the news that *fits*, we print"...

*trademark boyish--but smarmy--grin*

11:15 AM, January 09, 2006  
Blogger "Frankly Opinionated" said...

Quite simply, America needs the NYT like a fish needs a bicyle.
nuf sed

11:22 AM, January 16, 2006  
Blogger Justthisguy said...

I won't comment on your misspellings; I'm feeling indulgent because of what I perceive as your righteous grumpiness. Besides, you put me (sort of) back together after that horrible thing Neffi did to me.

9:08 PM, January 17, 2006  

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