Thursday, December 29, 2005

Justify your existence: Marketing people

So what do marketing types do and how do they know if they've done it? From observation they must get together and go through the archives and say "Hey! We're due for Chia Pets (tm)!" or something like that. There certainly is a recrudescence of the stupid things and there is no evidence the buying public wanted them. Then there were the Christmas Ornament beanheads that decided we needed strange lime-striped things that looked like Dr. Seuss rejects. Yep, that says "holidays" to me. At least the part where you were forced to thank Aunt Erma for the hideous chartreuse hand-mangled knit hat that even the dog refused to play with.

Speaking of colors, can we please stop the whole "stupid colors only for women" thing? I am not shaped like a man. Not even close. So, dear Clothing Manufacturers, when I have a choice between gack-inducing pastels (that would fit me) and nice deep colors (that won't) I DON'T BUY ANYTHING! I know we can make all sorts of dyes not found in nature, that doesn't mean you have to USE them all, you know. Let's make pink special order only, m'kay? Try some nice green. No, not the neon lime stuff, forest green. I know you can do it, there's plenty of it in the men's section.

Meanwhile, hordes of small children delight in shoes that have wonderful red sparkly lights lighting up in the soles when they are stomped. Of course they don't have them in adult sizes, because some marketing person decided big people don't want them. I wasn't asked -- how about you? And I'm not the only one who has noticed a vast lack of personal jet-packs out there. I suspect jet-pack research has been squashed. Not just due to marketing weenies, though. Can you imagine all the idiots now on the road -- only able to be stupid in 3 dimensions instead of just 2? Unconstrained by jersey barriers and painted lines? ( This won't be a problem when I am Evil Overlord since idiots will have their driving licenses revoked and only people I like will get jet packs. )

So -- justify your existence, Marketing People! Be prepared, among other things, to explain why you think bringing back the '70s styles was a good idea. Show your work.


Blogger Lynn Green said...

Your post reminds me of the Stan Freberg satricial piece "Green Chri$ma$"

1:13 PM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger Sgt. B. said...

When you become Evil Overlord, can I be one of the Evil Military Governors?

I'll even make coffee!

3:07 PM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger Snarkatron said...

Sgt. B, absolutely! How would you like to be in charge of Idiot Eradication and Interdiction? Lots of work to be done there ... Perks include a weekly C4 allowance, spiffy black uniform with gold piping, and use of the Death Ray if I'm not needing it at the moment.

3:18 PM, December 29, 2005  
Blogger MajorDad said...


Just checking out the folks that have linked to my blog and I'm proud to say that I'm listed on Snarkatron!

To echo SGT B, I'll be your XO or S3 anytime...and I'll help with the coffee. I'll do him one better and I'll even wear short pants if that will secure my position in your regime!

See you on the high ground and you're going on my favorites list!

See you on the high ground!


5:21 AM, December 30, 2005  
Blogger MajorDad said...

And regarding marketing types...I hope to be one some day, at least from the freelance copywriting standpoint!

No, I promise (holding up my right hand) never to take a job promoting Chia pets, 1970s retro items, or male performance enhancing drugs.

That is all.

See you on the high ground!


5:24 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous cw4(ret)billt said...

Okay, the Cobra's all-up with pink-seeking AIM-9L's and the 20mm box has 500 rounds of "dumb-dumb" special and AP-Tracer mix...


9:04 AM, December 30, 2005  
Blogger Kat said...

I want those nifty spy gadget packets they have for kids.

How come I have to pay $800 for a pair of spy glasses and these guys get them for 14.99?

9:08 AM, December 30, 2005  
Anonymous Beth said...

I *want* you to be Evil Overlord so I can get a jet pack!
And shoes with the sparkly lights - yes!

I agree with you completely - I am more than a size 9. My choices in clothing truly suck. I don't want a lunch lady outfit and I don't want to look like a pumpkin or a huge lima bean, either.

Oh, and the hip hugger pants - they need to go away - maybe one in a thousand people can get away with wearing those without things spilling over the 'waistline'.

8:00 AM, December 31, 2005  
Blogger Barb said...

I agree with you completely on the colors thing - drives my nutty! My sister wears black as much as possible, partly to combat that very thing. We should start our own line of clothing, eh?

And, I'd love a jet pack, too - my vote for you as Evil Overlord is solid!!

10:23 AM, December 31, 2005  
Blogger FbL said...

Argghhh! As a teacher, I HATE those blinking shoe lights!! Yes, give a kid with ADHD or one who has never been taught self control something that blinks when he moves. Oh yeah, bleepin' brilliant.

If you can get the kid to sit still, he'll just sit there and pound on his shoes to make the lights go on.

*running away, screaming*

9:10 PM, December 31, 2005  
Blogger John of Argghhh! said...

First off, +10 to Hufflepuff for spelling!

I'm from the Galaxy next door. Nope, nope - there! That one!

We've *got* jet-packs! Heck, we've got jet-cars! They wanna fly so bad, we keep 'em tied down and under cover...

Whatcha got to trade?

11:09 PM, December 31, 2005  
Blogger John of Argghhh! said...

Oh - Happy New Year!

11:09 PM, December 31, 2005  

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