A Time for Snarking
As the terrible details about the deranged Arizona shooter trickle out, one begins to wonder if brain rot is contagious in certain susceptible populations, such as liberal politicians and pundits. Maybe Loughner was on to something about mind-control grammar, and his word-salad spewings tripped a switch in softer brains. E.g, the sheriff who admits they don't know what made the gunman shoot Giffords, BUT he's sure Palin has something to do with it. Nifty and evidence-free! If this guy starts claiming he's Napoleon would anyone be surprised?
Next in the copy-cat madness brigade is one Representative Peter King, who has the bright idea of forbidding those nasty guns from being 1,000 feet or closer to government officials. Now, there are a few wrinkles in enforcement or even obedience to this proposed law, namely as long as government officials have their human disguises on they look exactly like everyone else. How to tell who needs the 1,000' radius? I suggest Snarkatron's Amendment to this legislation: That all government officials wear identifying marks -- say, a large circle of concentric red and white rings-- on both front and back so they will be known as someone you should not shoot. Possibly even on either side of the official, if they are of a large disposition. Oh, and a helmet with a flashing light. This would have the added benefit of allowing decent people to avoid them and protecting the innocent minds of children who might otherwise grow up thinking a career in government would be appropriate.
I'm not saying that's the only way to solve the problem. We could also institute Government Reservations, where all government officials must live and work, complete with barbed wire and guard towers. It would be easy to keep weapons the proper distance if all the "protected individuals" were isolated to a few easily-avoided locations. I mean, we have no *evidence* that there is a connection to government service and paranoid schizophrenia, but I "feel sure" if we look hard enough we'll find one!
Next in the copy-cat madness brigade is one Representative Peter King, who has the bright idea of forbidding those nasty guns from being 1,000 feet or closer to government officials. Now, there are a few wrinkles in enforcement or even obedience to this proposed law, namely as long as government officials have their human disguises on they look exactly like everyone else. How to tell who needs the 1,000' radius? I suggest Snarkatron's Amendment to this legislation: That all government officials wear identifying marks -- say, a large circle of concentric red and white rings-- on both front and back so they will be known as someone you should not shoot. Possibly even on either side of the official, if they are of a large disposition. Oh, and a helmet with a flashing light. This would have the added benefit of allowing decent people to avoid them and protecting the innocent minds of children who might otherwise grow up thinking a career in government would be appropriate.
I'm not saying that's the only way to solve the problem. We could also institute Government Reservations, where all government officials must live and work, complete with barbed wire and guard towers. It would be easy to keep weapons the proper distance if all the "protected individuals" were isolated to a few easily-avoided locations. I mean, we have no *evidence* that there is a connection to government service and paranoid schizophrenia, but I "feel sure" if we look hard enough we'll find one!
posted by Snarkatron at 9:21 AM
3 Comments:
Ok, two things...
1- Brain rot is a symptom of the disease. Usually in the incurable stages, although it has been known to occur in earlier stages the closer one gets to Bizerquely, Coliformico.
2- I believe that Sheriff Joe (he works just next door, doncha' know), being the fine, upstanding lawman that he is, should offer the Pima Co. Sheriff his assistance in this case (preferrably alone, behind closed doors, in a room with no windows)
(ok, three...three things)
3- I approve of the Official Government Person marking requirements, however I would suggest the addition of a siren to the helmet. (for the safety of the children)
4- (last one, I promise) Government Reservations should be limited to those of the Congressionally associated species. I'd hate to have some *loyal*(albeit a little overzealous) citizens think to turn in those whose public service was performed in the military.
Other than that, it sounds good to me. I'll bring the beer.
0>;~}
I knew about schizophrenia brain rot which is why I used that term. I think it is fascinating a mental illness like that would have such a blatant physical symptom. There's some indication schizophrenia is actually caused by early childhood infections that trigger an immune overresponse in the brain. If true, there is hope for an actual preventative treatment for this terrible disease.
Re #4, if you look at the list of "important government officials" in the proposed legislation the military is not included. No doubt because they are already considered homicidal sociopaths by the mental giant who came up with this stupid idea.
In other news, your Holy Lady of the Sidebar certainly has an amazing capacity for detonating lefty heads, Ma'am. Two words in particular: So easy to say, yet the courage to use them when called for coupled with the presence of mind to do so in a calm fashion are rare qualities, and far more so in a politician.
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