Things to Do When I am Benevolent Dictator
I think I would make an excellent Benevolent Dictator. Mostly because I am lazy. While I would want my Benevolent Will to be done, I would prefer that it be self-propelling and not require a lot of oversight or direct violence on my part. (That would cut into valuable Death-Ray Maintenance time or Personal Submarine Tinkering time. Not acceptable.) Here are some of my Evil Ideas(tm) for when I take over.
-If a person is able to work, refuses to work, and gets government money to live on past a certain amount, they don't get to vote. If they go to work, they get their vote back. People who like being beachcombers but don't take government money, they can vote. (Yes we can take the right to vote away, ask any felon.) The government will maintain a list of jobs that such people can do to fulfill this obligation.
-Assets will be considered when determining assistance levels. If a claimant has no income but a big honking flat screen TV, that item will be assessed and the value deducted from the final amount. Up to them whether or not they want to sell it, but it can be sold and the money used for food, and why should the government shell out money if it isn't absolutely necessary?
-The Fairness Doctrine, if enacted, will be drastically limited in execution. None of this silly equal time nonsense. No, a challenge can be made to a given program's statements of fact, but only the rebuttal and supporting evidence can be presented. No frothing, no opinion, no moving the rhetorical goal posts. This counter-statement would be presented in the same time slot as the offending program, and in the same format except that television would only have plain text displayed on a screen, and radio would have the same content read by that annoying synthetic lady that does the touch-tone phone menu options. We're talking data here, not production values.
-Every employee of a company larger than 20 people will be allowed one nerf-bat attack per year, on hearing any of the following terms either directed at them or within their hearing; leverage, paradigm, customer-centric, mission statement, inclusive, diversity, monetize, innovate (Microsoft only), or TPS cover sheet. This list can and will be updated.
-If a person is able to work, refuses to work, and gets government money to live on past a certain amount, they don't get to vote. If they go to work, they get their vote back. People who like being beachcombers but don't take government money, they can vote. (Yes we can take the right to vote away, ask any felon.) The government will maintain a list of jobs that such people can do to fulfill this obligation.
-Assets will be considered when determining assistance levels. If a claimant has no income but a big honking flat screen TV, that item will be assessed and the value deducted from the final amount. Up to them whether or not they want to sell it, but it can be sold and the money used for food, and why should the government shell out money if it isn't absolutely necessary?
-The Fairness Doctrine, if enacted, will be drastically limited in execution. None of this silly equal time nonsense. No, a challenge can be made to a given program's statements of fact, but only the rebuttal and supporting evidence can be presented. No frothing, no opinion, no moving the rhetorical goal posts. This counter-statement would be presented in the same time slot as the offending program, and in the same format except that television would only have plain text displayed on a screen, and radio would have the same content read by that annoying synthetic lady that does the touch-tone phone menu options. We're talking data here, not production values.
-Every employee of a company larger than 20 people will be allowed one nerf-bat attack per year, on hearing any of the following terms either directed at them or within their hearing; leverage, paradigm, customer-centric, mission statement, inclusive, diversity, monetize, innovate (Microsoft only), or TPS cover sheet. This list can and will be updated.
posted by Snarkatron at 5:08 PM
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