Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Evil Overlord To Do list

The more I think about it, the more I see where the delicate touch of my armored fist could make such a difference in the world! The beauty of being an Evil Overlord is you can ignore all those pesky campaign funding rules, too. Not to mention the elections themselves.
  • This one has always bothered me. So you have an official holiday, a day off from work to celebrate [fill in worthy subject]. And what happens? The Post Office takes the day off too! No packages, no mail. This will change when my regime commences! Holidays will have DOUBLE mail delivery, and if nobody sent you anything your mail carrier will write you a nice postcard.
  • Not to pick on the Post Office or anything, but I will require that a statement be generated every year showing how much money the PO makes delivering that crudaceous junk mail to your mailbox. You will then have the option of paying that amount plus $5 (see? I'm not completely evil) to STOP the delivery of junk mail. Everybody wins except the junk mail people and I'm not staying up late worrying about what they think of me.
  • Individuals with small children on public transportation, such as airplanes, will be required to post a bond before being allowed to embark. If said children scream the entire flight, kick the seat ahead of theirs, require "Goodnight Moon" to be read to them 500 times, or dump sticky objects on other travelers, the money will be forfeit and used to provide free drinks, tranquilizers, ear plugs and/or nerf bats for those affected. Until the little darlings are civilized, don't inflict them on people who never did anything to you and can't escape. I'm thinking a sliding scale here, maybe $2,000 for infants under 1 year down to $500 for kindergarteners.

6 Comments:

Blogger Barb said...

So how's the checklist going?

12:30 PM, May 20, 2005  
Blogger Snarkatron said...

Alas! The first item is "Become Evil Overlord". Kind of a bottleneck for progress. Especially since I don't look good in black.

12:54 PM, May 20, 2005  
Blogger John of Argghhh! said...

Hmmm. Think your sliding scale needs to have some peaks and valleys... 5 year olds can get in a lot of trouble... 3 year olds can be induced to nap...

Probably ought to just go with an offense-based fine system, rather than try a tied-to-age tiered system.

That's what your Evil Minister of Offense suggests...

7:13 AM, May 21, 2005  
Blogger Barb said...

As your Evil Campaign Manager, I suggest that you start by declaring that the new color for Evil is Hunter Green or Teal - then go from there ...

10:03 PM, May 22, 2005  
Blogger Cowboy Blob said...

If I were Evil Overlord, distributing SPAM or junk mail would be a crime. This would save many trees and lots of bandwidth. The hucksters would have to lease space at malls and shopping centers in order to sevice people actually looking for pizza coupons or erectile dysfunction drugs.

2:03 PM, May 26, 2005  
Anonymous Chadwick Fetterman said...

What it could be useful for?

9:39 AM, January 03, 2006  

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