Resolutions for Other People
-for President Obama: That he pretend the welfare of the United States and its citizens is just as important as the welfare of a friend's child injured in a surfing accident, and make the motorcade speed to get back to the scene so he can appear concerned. I mean, really, dude. The job you were hired to do is protect the country, and you act like you can't be bothered when a jihadi tries to blow up a plane with his Underoos. A kid gets one bruise and a band-aid, and you are so there. Did you believe all the media hype that Bush was an idiot, and therefore you could cruise through the presidency doing a better job than he did without even trying hard? Oh well, sucks to be you.
-for the RNC: Resolve to kill fewer trees and free up USPS resources by not mailing 50 gajillion begging letters for money I. Will. Not. Give. You. Unlike the RNC, I can identify solid conservative candidates that support the things I support, and I can send them money my own little self. So unless you enjoy the vitriolic abuse I send back on those stupid questionnaires that aren't really, stop sending them.
-for the Sun: Stop futzing around and give Cycle 24 a kick in the pants. It's fun to mock all the AGW moppets freezing in place with their "Global Warming is killing the planet" signs clutched in their frostbitten hands, but this is getting old.
-for the Danish Government, and any other nation whose citizens have been directly threatened by Muslim extremists for speaking their minds/drawing cartoons/emitting hair rays: On proof of said threat (examples of accepted forms being fatwas, videotapes of scruffy jihadis issuing fatwas, crater in sidewalk in front of house, etc) person being threatened is issued a "shooting license", indemnifying them from any fines or prosecution should they need to use deadly force to prevent Muslim extremists from killing them or their friends and family. Or, you know, the government could sack up and defend the fatwa-ee themselves, like they are supposed to. Just a thought.
-for the RNC: Resolve to kill fewer trees and free up USPS resources by not mailing 50 gajillion begging letters for money I. Will. Not. Give. You. Unlike the RNC, I can identify solid conservative candidates that support the things I support, and I can send them money my own little self. So unless you enjoy the vitriolic abuse I send back on those stupid questionnaires that aren't really, stop sending them.
-for the Sun: Stop futzing around and give Cycle 24 a kick in the pants. It's fun to mock all the AGW moppets freezing in place with their "Global Warming is killing the planet" signs clutched in their frostbitten hands, but this is getting old.
-for the Danish Government, and any other nation whose citizens have been directly threatened by Muslim extremists for speaking their minds/drawing cartoons/emitting hair rays: On proof of said threat (examples of accepted forms being fatwas, videotapes of scruffy jihadis issuing fatwas, crater in sidewalk in front of house, etc) person being threatened is issued a "shooting license", indemnifying them from any fines or prosecution should they need to use deadly force to prevent Muslim extremists from killing them or their friends and family. Or, you know, the government could sack up and defend the fatwa-ee themselves, like they are supposed to. Just a thought.
posted by Snarkatron at 5:43 PM
1 Comments:
A kid gets one bruise and a band-aid, and you are so there.
Obie's all about band-aids. He's incapable of imagining an injury requiring greater treatment than that...
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