Hello everyone, I'm Professor Snarkatron. Yes, that is elitist and no, I'm not going to change it. Furthermore, we will not form a non-judgmental "learning circle." I will stand up here at the podium and lecture and you will sit in your chairs and refrain from chewing gum. If you are good, I have a bag of delicious and healthy TrollTreats(tm)
to share. If you are bad, I found a use for that stupid free newspaper that shows up in my driveway. Now, let's begin!
Students, you are here in this class because you have demonstrated a complete lack of understanding of the term "reality." To help you understand the difference between reality and hallucinogen-worthy fantasy, contemplate the following concepts:
Which of these is really torture?
a) an electric drill being applied to a human being
b) watching someone eat peanut butter
Which of these is really suppression of dissent?
a) being beaten, arrested and thrown in a jail
where they really do torture people, just for criticizing the government
b) having someone disagree with you
Which of these is really a violation of privacy?
a) every purchase you make
is analyzed as to time, place, and objects purchased so when you, for example, buy beer and the cheapest brand of condoms in the store at 11:30 pm on a Friday you get automatic coupons for home pregnancy tests and infant formula
b) the numbers you call
get tossed in with everyone else's phone calls in a ginourmous database that even a Cray has to think about analyzing
Everybody got that? OK, this will
be on the midterm, so take notes. The bookstore said the elementary logic books are back in stock, and I really
recommend you take advantage of that. Oh, and for extra credit, explain how global warming on Earth is entirely due to human activity, but global warming on Jupiter
Class dismissed!(has anyone seen my pet troll? He hasn't shown up for simply ages!)